What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
