thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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