guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
