Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
