That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
