Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
