Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
