I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
