chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
