I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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