Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
