mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
