But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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