The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
