im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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