she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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