Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
