Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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