I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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