I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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