For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
