just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
