party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it hurts more in the daytime
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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