my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize