Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize