k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
