My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
