It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
