I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
