but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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