Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize