I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Shame is for Republicans.
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