How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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