1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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