He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
