We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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