I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
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You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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