her facebook's as public as her vagina
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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