WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
