Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
