Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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