you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
