So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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