ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
