so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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