final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
