quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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