I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
