i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
