I got chris browned last night
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
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You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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