Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
