Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
A+ Viking dick
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
