GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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