I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Even my vagina gasped.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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