I must be too annoying 4 u.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
