T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
