went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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