No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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