there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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