I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
